


It's Not Substitution, Douchbag

by orange_8_hands



Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, POV Female Character, Self-Esteem, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-18
Updated: 2012-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-31 09:13:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orange_8_hands/pseuds/orange_8_hands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karen knows what she's doing</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Substitution, Douchbag

**Author's Note:**

> Meant to move this from my LJ sooner. Set before 2.5 "Father's Day"; definite spoilers for the end of 2.4 "A Beautiful Mess"

Of course I fucking thought about it. Don't be stupid.  
  
**  
  
Sex is easy and fun and slick, and Jody doesn't touch me, ever, so I'm still fucking Lip even though I really shouldn't ( _I love you_ , he said, and it's not like there's take backs for that, though fuck, I tried), even though all we do is talk about Jody _while_ we're fucking, and Jody comes over and asks mom to join us, _mom_ , he says, and we watch TV and its not even fucking PG-13, we just sit there, I just lay against him and I can feel his dick but he never makes a fucking move and...look, its nice.   
  
It's something I can picture in the future. It's something _real_.  
  
**  
  
He's kind, and that's enough, that's more than enough. He's not smart, maybe, but I don't need smart, not really, it's not like I'm a fucking genius or anything.  
  
(Lip, look, Lip is something else, ok, nobody can fucking compete with that, not here, not me, Lip's his own fucking smart, though still thinks with his little head - _I love you_ \- because he's still here when he can be far, far away, so really, how fucking smart is that.)  
  
I'm destructive, doesn't take much of an IQ to notice that, but that isn't what this is. This is me being smart. This is me making plans, okay, because sometimes I don't always think this shit out. I'm going to have to take care of the baby, which means I need to take care of myself.  
  
(So I didn't always do the best fucking job. _I'm trying here_.)  
  
**  
  
"Hello, I'm Karen and I'm a sex addict."  
  
Meetings become a lot more fun once Jody and I started fucking.  
  
**  
  
He doesn't even fucking smoke, it's unreal. His body is his temple or what the fuck ever.  
  
I'm honest. Honesty's the best policy, right?  
  
Ok, I maybe don't mention when exactly was the last time I slept with Lip, and I don't mention Barry to either of them, but I tell him about the baby (even Jody can do that fucking math) and he just nods. "Doesn't make a difference," he tells me.  
  
And if it's a lie, it's a lot easier to swallow than all the others I've been thrown.  
  
He's going to be my family. Him and mom (fuck when is Frank gonna leave?) and the baby.  
  
 _(He holds my hand and I lean against him and I fucked his father, fuck, why the fuck did he have to say that?)_  
  
Fuck everything else, this is real.  
  
**  
  
It's easy to connect those fucking dots and what the fuck, what the fuck why does he think he has the right, what the fuck and I didn't mean to mention the baby but fuck him fuck him fuck him for trying to make it fall apart. That's the difference between you two, I should have said, Jody's something I can keep, fuck you for trying to take that away.  
  
I haven't been alone since I was ten. I'm not going to fucking start now.  
  
**  
  
My mom will always carve out a space beside her to hold me into. All the rest of it may have been fucked, but I can give my kid that.  
  
I can be there.  
  
**  
  
Sure I love Jody. I lean against him and we watch a movie and I tighten my hold because I can have this. Because actually, I want this.  
  
I know exactly how high to aim.

**Author's Note:**

> ETA: Also, to clarify, _Karen_ sees Lip as better than her; he is not actually better than her.


End file.
